p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
