Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My vagina just clenched in fear
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
