K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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