Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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