your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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