my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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