Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
