theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
