Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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