I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I want to fling myself into the sun
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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