Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
