those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize