Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
