How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
