tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
