just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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