so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
