If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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