Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
