Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
