I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
