Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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