i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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