Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
