My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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