A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
