Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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