Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
