I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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