I'm sorry my penis didn't work
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
