Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
