whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize