Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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