I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
