They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
