she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
