Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
