I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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