He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
