I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
