i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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