I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
