wat bout pragnant strippers??
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize