I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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