this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
