Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
even my farts smell like vagina
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
