Do you still have your period?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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