We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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