don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
