i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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