Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
