Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
