Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
