we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
