No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
