suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize