I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So apparently I’m into choking now
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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