Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
