The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
