pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
