It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
