Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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