I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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