Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
