By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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