And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
