I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
