When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
