I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
