oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
