I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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