also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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