Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
