Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize