I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
