WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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