My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
