Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
