Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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